Opening the Jade Crypt of Wonders
Welcome to the Jade Crypt of Wonders, new home for The Existential Dread of Aussie Theme Parks and other projects associated with me. This place is named after the palace-tomb in my unpublished novels, which you don’t know about yet, but it’s time I registered a new domain after six months absence 2020 has been a hard year for all of us, yet hopefully with the grand opening of Jade Crypt of Wonders my fortune may change. Jade Crypt of Wonders is a broad umbrella of stuff I’m interested in, from anime to Taoism to old movie soundtrack singles nobody talks about anymore.
This site is a dumping ground for my imagination, soon you may see some original fiction posted here as well as non-fiction works I’ve been stewing for quite some time. It is a place where monsters lurk and wizards enchant, here magic is very real indeed. There are deep, dark secrets kept in the Jade Crypt’s vaults, unearthed by curators of the Crypt when the stars align. Grave-robbers beware, for this place is blessed and cursed in equal measure, the great Guan Yu shrine guards its bounty and the Xi Wangmu shrine carved into the eldritch rock is a sacred monument to the Queen Mother of the West. In the Museum of Mistakes, the London Dungeon of the netherworld, man’s inhumanity to man is rendered in waxwork as a chamber of horrors condemning the war criminals of history for their atrocities. Portals built by djinn hired from Parramatta (where the Eels play footy) allow travellers to enter the tourist-trap section of the Jade Crypt during visiting hours.
In the Jade Crypt tomb lies the bodies of Eugene Kobia and Chie Zedong, a ghost-married couple whose remains are interred together for eternity, for their love cannot die as most mortals do. Descended from Vlad the Impaler and Mao Zedong respectively; the King and Queen of the Jade Crypt built the Museum of Mistakes in an attempt to get the metal bands of the world to surrender their Nazi memorabilia which belongs in a museum instead of Jeff Hanneman’s attic, and for descendants of war criminals to turn in their ancestors’ old junk to be displayed in a safe and sensible manner. The Jade Crypt is haunted beyond belief, like the fabled Winchester House of America, it was built for spirits rather than mere mortals to dwell.
ENTER THE JADE CRYPT, AND SEE FOR YOURSELF THE BOUNTY THAT AWAITS THEE IN ITS CATACOMBS, LONG LIVE OUR KING AND QUEEN WHO SLUMBER HERE.
