Jade Crypt of Music (13th March, 2025)

Something happened this year which I didn’t expect would ever occur, I bought a subscription to Apple Music, and while I don’t want to shill for them unpaid - I definitely have more access to new music coming out than I ever had before. Gone are the days where I would have to slum it with a YouTube playlist whenever Kendrick Lamar dropped a surprise LP, now I can just stream it without ads whenever I feel like it. But it’s not just new music I want to cover, there are plenty of classic albums I’ve never heard of or tried out before that I now have at my fingertips. I’ve never written about my music consumption at a professional level, and I’ve heard it said music is one of the hardest mediums to write about. Nonetheless, I will try, with great enthusiasm. It’s been a long time since I updated the Jade Crypt of Wonders website with any new articles, that changes now.

Warrior - The Battle Has Started

This album has put me in an awkward position, with the first track ‘Cry as One’ I was plunged into the startling realisation Warrior’s The Battle Has Started was going to be a Christian rock LP throughout, and since I’m a he/they who operates a website called Jade Crypt of Wonders you can guess I no longer subscribe to Jesus as my primary source of spiritual guidance, I’m Taoist now, part of The Church of the Latter Day Dude, and while Jesus is ranked with Lao Tzu and Buddha as one of the Great Dudes in History on the Dudeist homepage I would not identify as a Christian. Because I’m ordained and thus represent the Dudeists in some capacity online, I guess I have to play nice with Christians who might be affiliated with Dudeism (like that cool druid guy I saw a clip of on YouTube, so I can’t just trash talk contemporary Christian music with impunity. That said, in my personal opinion, I prefer Christian music more in the vein of Semler’s Revival In My Mind album than Warrior’s The Battle Has Started. Maybe it’s just me, but hearing the guys who gave us ‘I Want A Walmart Girl’ (which is a hell of a cultural signifier of which strand of American evangelicalism we’re dealing with here) sing about how you need Jesus in your life after president Donald Trump welcomed the Christian nationalists into power is kinda scary. Maybe back in 2008, when this album was released and Obama was president, Warrior singing about spiritual warfare on the track ‘The Battle Has Started’ could be dismissed as harmless church cheese. But right now that rhetoric irks me for political reasons. Semler’s ‘Jesus From Texas’ deconstructs this attitude. It’s not all revival tent preaching, the third track ‘Please Come Back To Me’  is pretty inoffensive for a love song, but then you have songs like ‘The Better High’ about drug and alcohol addiction and the naff dirge ‘Right Here Right Now’ which have the repetitive attempts to proselytise to the listener. Keep in mind as I critique this, I’d rather listen to competent artists like Johnny Cash or Sujan Stevens sprinkle in their Jesus related spirituality into their songs than an obscure, ham-fisted metal band like Warrior whose ‘My Little Runaway’ is not the best case for Christ. “Right Here, Right Now’ has synths straight out of 1989, rather than 2008 and it contains more of the very earnest, very treacly evangelism we’ve come to expect on this record. It wallows in the cringey realm of Stryper (and Stryken) to a lesser extent. ‘Walk Don’t Run’ is yet more lecturing about the life you’re living not being godly enough, and how you’re nothing without Jesus, it’s awful. ‘I Can’t Be Alone’ is further manipulation about a woman who can’t love again or be alone, because with Jesus you’re never alone and this suuuuuuuuucks. Rad guitar licks can’t disguise this preachy bullshit that preys on the vulnerable, this whole album rubs me the wrong way. ‘Find His Love’ is another ballad about how you’re lost without Jesus and God is offering you this opportunity and I HATE THIS FAKE EMPATHY FROM CHRISTIANS WHO WOULD BURN ME ALIVE FOR NOT BEING ONE OF YOU. ‘Ride For Him Tonite’ brings this album to a merciful close, the synth section is in full effect and all I can say about this Jesus freak LP ending begging me to surrender to the Lord is IT’S OVER. THANK GOD, IT’S OVER.

Archgoat - Black Mass XXX (Live)

It’s only fair that for every Christian album I cover in these reviews, I have to review a black metal album to balance the scales of bias. Maybe when I get around to reviewing Pope Francis’s LP I’ll review Gorgoroth or something. Anyway, this is a live album recording by the Finnish death/black/war metal band Archgoat. Something tells me the band who recorded Angelcunt aren’t exactly Hillsong United approved, it’s very subtle. Archgoat fall under the opposite spectrum of evangelism where they’re constantly blaspheming and singing about how much Jesus sucks, with album titles like All Christianity Ends. Their song and album titles really hammer home how anti-Christian their mission statement is, their album covers for a band that have been around since 1993 have a uniform high quality illustrated presentation to them that makes them feel contemporary rather than relics of the black metal scene of the past. I should acknowledge that Archgoat have been labelled mild sketch by Reddit for the bass player’s fascistic black sun tattoo and doing a split with Satanic Warmaster, and I looked into that when I was halfway through considering this review. Do I dislike Archgoat’s music because of this? No, but it does make me wary of admitting I listen to them on social media. I own Charles Manson’s Lie on CD, which I bought from Red Eye Records when that cult leader motherfucker was still alive, so he may or may not have received royalties from this purchase. He’s dead now, so I can stream Charlie’s extensive back catalogue guilt free, but the question about Archgoat remains an uneasy ethical dilemma. I really like Archgoat’s sound, which is somewhere between OG black metal’s raw power  and the later improved production quality of black metal LPs recorded after Burzum’s Varg Vikernes went to jail. Black metal recorded in the current day is a bit controversial too, because Behemoth’s new single ‘The Shit ov God’ contains lyrics I can actually understand which some may consider a selling out of the whole point of black metal. We’ll get back to Nergal’s edge lord antics when that album drops, for now back to Archgoat. From what I’ve seen on Reddit, some Archgoat listeners prefer the live versions of these songs to the studio album renditions, and it’s easy to see why. Archgoat put a lot of effort into their live concerts, and the spectacle of their performance must be amazing if this is what their live album recording sounds like. Black Mass XXX (Live) includes a few intros that are present on their studio albums, which gives their concerts a sort of Satanic black mass feel to them. If you already enjoyed the studio versions of songs like ‘Penis Perversor’, ‘Hammer of Satan’ and ‘Nuns, Cunts and Darkness’, chances are the live versions will be up your alley. A dark, gloomy, Satanic themed alley. In stark contrast to Warrior’s The Battle Has Started shoehorning Christ into their song-craft, Archgoat’s Black Mass XXX (Live) is a Luciferian declaration of intent from a bunch of Finnish guys who don’t care much for the Nazarene. I dig it.

Yusuf/Cat Stevens - An Other Cup

WILDCARD, BITCHES. After a truly awful Christian metal album from Warrior, and a blasphemous live recorded set from Archgoat, I decided to surprise you all by reviewing a Muslim musician. It may seem like a contradiction in terms, given everything I’ve heard about Muslim influencers like Sneako telling their audiences that music is haram in Islam, but Cat Stevens even in his Yusuf persona delivers artful, earnest and spiritual music that defies the dogma of his faith to delight listeners. Everything about Cat Stevens, from when I first encountered his Tea For The Tillerman album as a teenager in my parents’ music collection, had me invested. The composer of “Peace Train’ means what he sings in every note, I can’t get over how relaxing listening to Yusuf Islam is. An Other Cup is an overlooked gem compared to his Cat Stevens catalog, it represents a new chapter in his life both as a musician and a man of faith. Recorded in 2006, was released after 9/11 and although Yusuf doesn’t refer to that tragedy directly, this album is perhaps an antidote to the Toby Keith warmongering that was going on at the time. Yusuf describes tranquil scenes of children playing, light breezes on his face and general wholesomeness on Midday (Avoid City After Dark), and immediate relief washes over me as I listen to him. Heaven / Where True Love Goes touches on spiritual themes without being overly preachy or unsubtle, there’s a gentle hand guiding you as opposed to the blunt force trauma a bad religious musician can inflict. The piano on this track is light and enchanting, Yusuf trusts you to understand what he’s talking about, and his speaking of the soul is beautiful and elevating of the subject matter. ‘Maybe There’s A World’ is poignant in these divisive times where Yusuf touches on the simple irritation of being annoyed, trying to imagine a better world of peace without borders. It’s like ‘Imagine’ by John Lennon if it hadn’t been strip mined by out of touch celebrities covering it. ‘One Day At A Time’ expands on this theme without being repetitive, having hope for the future yet to come. Remember when the future was hopeful? I miss that. Something as simple as Yusuf singing “we can learn to leave our fears behind” is magical. Makes me want to be a better person just hearing it. ‘When Butterflies Leave’ starts with an ethereal harp and backing vocals with Yusuf’s spoken word about butterflies leaving their silk palaces towards heaven’s way is pretty good. ‘In The End’ begins by stating you can’t bargain with the truth, whether you’re right or wrong, black or white. It’s an optimistic song which declares that evil’s going down in the end, and preaches accountability for the rich and the poor. We need more artful songs like this about current society, ‘In The End’ definitely has the spirtual component of great religious art but leaves enough open for interpretation to apply to all listeners of faith. ‘Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood’ is a cover of a classic which hits hard when you take the post-9/11 Islamaphobia into consideration with Yusuf’s religious journey. That’s the thing about Cat Stevens, he’s never lecturing you as a perfect example of Islam, he’s just another artist among the masses of humanity who has his problems and shortcomings too. ‘I Think I See The Light’ is a pretty song about how letting love in stops us from seeing the world in stony grey, a good sentiment to have when you struggle to feel grateful for the little things. Can we talk about how the instrumentation on this record is just right, neither chintzy or too reverent? I love this LP. ‘Whispers From A Spiritual Garden’ is a short little piece on the eternal source of love, similar to ‘When Butterflies Leave’ with spoken word poetry. ‘The Beloved’ is one of the most religious themed songs on the album, possibly referring to the Prophet of Islam teaching everyone to bow to one God. I can listen to this without feeling like my own faith is being disparaged, Yusuf is talking about his own religious beliefs openly and I’m okay with that because he’s capable of doing this without being an asshole about it. ‘Green Fields, Golden Sands’ is a delicate little tune about being content with your little house with your family and not needing anything else even when the wind blows, I keep harping on John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ but this sentiment plays way better when Yusuf is singing it than the most obnoxious Beatle. ‘There Is Peace’, the final track on the album, returns to the ethereal beauty that has been spread across this entire LP, with gentle guitar and a soft voice telling you about how there is a dream of peace and you can reach it if you try. Maybe it’s a naive sentiment when Ukraine and Palestine being invaded, but I’ll take it, even if Yusuf goes on about how there is a God and angels and heaven being real. I have heard much, much worse religious material than this in my day, I can forgive Yusuf for trying to encourage his listeners to reach for heaven and trust that God wills it. I feel enriched and nourished by this album, and it makes me hope for better things ahead. And that’s what good music is meant to do. Ten out of ten record.